Can this work out without it all having to be me that changes?

August 8th, 2007

The man that I'm in love with broke up with me because I was too overwhelming. In my defense, I like freedom but if i tried to stay home for a night, he would text me with nasty things like where are u, really to the point where i'd come back over. So he also has issues with labels. He did start calling me his gf but nothing went wrong between us -he just wanted to slow down i guess.We were together for 7months & its been 4 since we've taken it down to just talking ,which now for those months he is living in another state. He tells me that in 2months when i move down there that we can be in a relationship again. I told him i'm 25 & i'm ready to settle down. I know you cant plan ur future exactly but at least be with a guy that is in the same mindset. So my question is how can i continue to talk to him & in 2 months be with him without worrying about being too much? I'm not a fake person & won't change for anyone, but in my opinion he's controlling & nothing is ever wrong with him. The situation we're in makes me sick & i get upset a lot because for me it's insulting to not be able to call me ur gf. I'm a very independent person but i do love having a relationship. He makes me cry cuz i feel like evrything is always my fault. I don't tell him what to do or give him grief about anything he does. I think he's just scared of commitment. BUt can I ever fully be myself without worrying am i being too much, especially cuz i didnt think i was before. I cant be in a relationship where i cant say & do what i feel,.He basically said for these next 2months to bottle my feelings up???? help i think he's in his own world. can this work out without it all having to be me that changes?

Wait a second; let me get this straight. You're talking about a guy who has already broken up with you, is controlling, makes you sick, makes you upset, makes you cry, whom you feel you can't be yourself around; he wants you to bottle up your feelings, and he sends you nasty text messages. He's in his own world and is of a different mindset than you.

Good lord girl!!! Is he the only guy on your island??? Is he the last available guy on the planet? Is he the only guy you've ever met??

In my opinion, you should put this guy in your past. You feel he's controlling you- because you are LETTING him. He's already broken up with you once-why would you put yourself in a position for him to do it again??? This is NOT "good love." He is not good for you. I mean, you didn't say anything good about him!

You are too young to think that this guy is "it." He's not. Starting ASAP, open your eyes and look around at all the other possibilities. If you don't, you're just asking for way more heartache, and why would you do that to yourself? There are many guys out there who would love you just the way you are.

Good Luck,